A mans most prized possession is probably his testicles, it is what makes him a man , it is what gives him the ability to have children, they are resilient yet can seem quite delicate at times.

You are either thinking “why is he talking about balls” or “there GregoryRasputin goes talking about dicks again”, sadly this time it is a bit more serious.

Two weeks ago today, the 26th of August 2020, during the middle of the night whilst I was lying in a strange position that I sometimes lie in, on my belly facing left with my left leg bent and raised whilst my right lies straight, I woke up as I often do at night and scratched my nuts as i have done many times, this time however I felt something strange on one of them, a lump that was not there before, but I was sleepy and dozed off again and when I woke up in the morning I remembered that I had felt a lump and was hoping it was just a dream**.

So I felt my nuts again and there it was, a lump on the bottom of my right testicle, I wasn’t really afraid at finding it, I was like “oh fuck” and my mind started spinning in over drive with thoughts and possible explanations for that lump, could it be due to that time my son jumped really hard on my nuts hurting especially the right one? It can’t be the dreaded C word, not me, I can’t have that, so what the fuck is it.
So like most stupid men i become an armchair Google doctor and theorize and guess and diagnose, I wanted to wait a couple of days before making a doctors appointment, so I waited while and the lump seemed to have shrunk so I didn’t think it was that serious, but then last night(8/9/2020)***, I was feeling my testicles again and there was the lump.

I went to sleep feeling a little down and woke up in the morning wondering about my testicle, trying to muster up the courage to make a doctors appointment, thinking of the embarrassment of having my testicle felt.

My thoughts consist of “what if it has spread”, “will I lose all my hair” amongst other thoughts, with constant butterflies in my stomach, I keep trying to build up the courage to make a doctors appointment, appointments at my doctors surgery are usually hard to get and during this time of CoronaVirus they will be even harder to get, I know I must book an appointment soon.

** – My dreams are quite wild and intense at times, where they seem so real that I sometimes have to convince myself in the morning that it didn’t actually happen.

*** – I use Irish date format, so day/month/year.

This post was originally created on 9/9/2020, but not published publicly until diagnosis of lump.